Creating in Secret

Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

What I do in my spare time I keep as my secret.

It is not out of enjoyment that I do this. I long to reach out to my family and friends and tell them what I’m doing. Excitement bubbles out of me thinking about it.

So, why don’t I?

There is so much fear built up inside of me. I know it’s not logical. I know that if my family knew that I wrote they would be happy for me and supportive. I fear judgement and failure.

What if they don’t like what I write? What if in some way, I fail to meet whatever expectations they have once they know?

I want to shout out to the world, but instead I sit at home, typing away, in secret.

I have a new creative endeavor this year.

Notice how I don’t say what it is?

That’s because I hold the same fear regarding this. Yes, I am putting my words out here for people to read which was a huge milestone for me last year, but I’m still scared of being judged, being told that it won’t work, or people rolling their eyes at me thinking I’m nuts.

Here it is. My heart is racing as I type this, because I am forcing myself to tell someone, anyone, what my plan is. Yes, I’ve never met any of you face-to-face, but the fear is still great. I’m bound and determined to make 2019 my year of achievements, and I can’t let my fear hold me back.

My new endeavor is to make some jewelry and sell it.

Are you rolling your eyes?

Here’s why this will be such a big leap for me.

I’ve never done this before. Ever. I’ve never even tried. I want to create something beautiful with my hands and I live in an area where I can get some of the material I need for free, so why not go for it?

My plan:

January was spent gathering some of the materials and doing as much research on the subject as I could. I also started shaping some of the main pieces that I will use. I’ll dive more into that in the upcoming months.

February will be spent hopefully gathering the rest of the material I need, setting up an Ebay account and an Etsy store. I’m holding back on that until I actually have something to list. My goal is to have at least one thing posted on each by the end of the month. This entails gathering the materials, practicing what I need to, forming a piece, taking pictures, writing out the details etc. and listing it.

My new endeavor excites me in a way that nothing else has in a while.

I don’t expect this to be a ‘get rich quick’ type of thing. In fact, I’d be thrilled to even sell a few items by the end of the year. If I made enough to buy a gallon of milk a month, I’ll be ecstatic.

I’ve never done this before so if any of you have experience on Ebay or Etsy, I’d absolutely love to hear any advice you have to share.

My other step:

I’m writing a story for this anthology that will come out this year. I can’t wait until finally I will be able to hold something I have written in a physical form. But, the biggest part of it will be the fact that I’m going to buy a copy for my parents, and one for my sister. That will be part of their Christmas present.

Will they like what I write? I have no idea. But, I’m going to face my fear and step out of the shadows. I know they will be excited for me, but I worry about what they will say behind my back. I’m shelving that worry though, and forging through.

Are you allowing fear to hold you back?

Now is the time to stop. You are the creator of your destiny. Only you can choose to move forward and not be held back any longer. It’s time to step out of the shadows and take a deep breath. If the path in front of you isn’t looking so great, step off and forge your own.